Playboy: The Perfect Storm

Hey, woah! So, a month and a half ago I was just beginning rehearsals for Playboy of the Western World; but here we are – opening weekend came and went, and we have four more performances of this beautiful play.

            I’m actually not quite certain how to update my lovely readers about what we have been doing for the past month… On opening night, Dylan and I were surprised how smoothly the process went. Sure, rehearsals were long and some nights were difficult for cast and crew alike (and as always, Tech Week was crazy exhausting), but there were really no huge fiascos.

            I guess all I can say is this production was a perfect storm. The cast was eager and excited to explore the musicality and poetry of Synge’s words; the designers collaborated keenly to create a beautiful Irish countryside; and we had a strong leader at the helm of the whole project.

            My gratitude towards Rich and my fellow stage management team exceeds all bounds. The vote of confidence from Rich in combination with the trust we built within the stage management team motivated me to dive head first into my work – without a worry at all.

            Seriously.

            I know my job, I know my strengths, I know my challenges, and I know who I am. And I couldn’t say that so confidently if it weren’t for this production.

            There was a time last spring when I thought I would not be involved in a production this fall. I thought I had stepped so far off the path that the department wouldn’t trust me with that responsibility for a long while.

But I sit here in the theatre again with a whole new outlook. From day one, I resolved in myself not to go into this production feeling the need to prove anything to anyone. Placing that pressure on myself would just create stress, doubt, and hesitation. No, I couldn’t do that. That’s what got me into trouble in the first place. No, instead of theorizing, I just did. I did my work. I offered up my whole services without the least bit of hesitation. I knew my role – after all, I’d done it before. And I just went for it and asked nothing of anyone but myself.

Perhaps in this familiar setting, I didn’t learn anything strikingly new about stage management, but a perfect storm is always unique. Every production always has its lessons. No, I didn’t learn anything new about my job, but I did learn something new about myself: I learned that I can. I can. I am capable, knowledgeable, and anticipatory. I am a stage manager.

But really, that is not completely true either. I didn’t really learn something new about myself, but I relearned something that I had forgotten. I’ve always had confidence, courage, and passion in stage management; but it just so happened that last spring was an unexpected challenge that took time and a new opportunity to bounce back from.

            This culminating year has shown me how truly debilitating doubt can be. But more importantly, the year has shown me how necessary and empowering perseverance is. I can say that this is my greatest lesson yet, and thankfully it won’t be my last.

Always get back up again. Always.